“Why doesn’t Santa have heart disease?”

A relatively trim Santa skips the cookies in favor of petting the cat, or The Five-Year-Old's most compelling argument for why we should just go ahead and adopt a cat now. (Image: Public Domain.)
A relatively trim Santa skips the cookies in favor of petting the cat, or The Five-Year-Old’s most compelling argument for why we should just go ahead and adopt a cat now. (Image: Public Domain.)

As you know, earlier this week after reading The Night Before Christmas, The Five-Year-Old and I had a conversation about the perils of smoking, and whether Santa smoked.

The Five-Year-Old has obviously been busy processing this information because today she asked me, “Why doesn’t Santa have heart disease?”

Mommyo: “It’s an excellent question. He’s got lots of risk factors for it. He smokes, he doesn’t get much exercise, he’s overweight…”

The Five-Year-Old: “He eats a bunch of cookies….”

Mommyo: “It must be really stressful delivering all those presents on time…”

The Five-Year-Old: “And he’s really old.”

Mommyo: “The only thing I can think of is that he’s a magical being, and they aren’t subject to the same sorts of rules we are.”

The Five-Year-Old: “Like what?”

Mommyo: “Well, Santa can fly. That’s pretty magical. And he can deliver presents to every kid in the entire world in one night. That seems pretty magical, too. Maybe his magic also protects him from heart disease.”

The Five-Year-Old, dubiously: “Mommyo, I think you should just ask Caterpickles.”

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