After reading The Night Before Christmas, The (then) Five-Year-Old and I had a conversation about the perils of smoking, and whether Santa smoked.
The (then) Five-Year-Old had obviously been busy processing this information because a few days later she asked me, “Why doesn’t Santa have heart disease?”
Mommyo: “It’s an excellent question. He’s got lots of risk factors for it. He smokes, he doesn’t get much exercise, he’s overweight…”
The (then) Five-Year-Old: “He eats a bunch of cookies….”
Mommyo: “It must be really stressful delivering all those presents on time…”
The (then) Five-Year-Old: “And he’s really old.”
Mommyo: “The only thing I can think of is that he’s a magical being, and they aren’t subject to the same sorts of rules we are.”
The (then) Five-Year-Old: “Like what?”
Mommyo: “Well, Santa can fly. That’s pretty magical. And he can deliver presents to every kid in the entire world in one night. That seems pretty magical, too. Maybe his magic also protects him from heart disease.”
The (then) Five-Year-Old, dubiously: “Mommyo, I think you should just ask Caterpickles.”
(Update 12/3/2020) It took a few years, but I have good news for Santa fans
Dr. Anthony Fauci apparently agrees with me about Santa having natural immunity to the health issues that beset the rest of us. In a recent interview with USAToday, Dr. Fauci said that Santa is immune to COVID-19.
“Santa is exempt from this,” Fauci told USA Today on Wednesday, “because Santa, of all the good qualities, has a lot of good innate immunity.”CNNWire by David Williams and ABC7 News Staff, “Dr. Fauci: Santa has natural COVID-19 immunity; pandemic won’t stop Christmas gifting,” 22 November 2020